Sunday, 8 April 2012

Episode 170: Endgame

Well here we are, at last, the end,
But wait, I’ve this finale to still comprehend,
To do this I'll use the power of rhyme
And show how the writers once again have Janeway travel in time
We start twenty years in the future and they’ve made it to Earth,
Tuvok’s insane, the Doctor’s married, but Harry’s a captain for all that’s worth,
Giving lessons to students on the Borg is Barclay
Oh and with special guest Admiral Janeway
A student asks her about Seven Of Nine
But to answer that she does decline
Then Janeway wants drugs to protect against radiation of time
From the Doctor for no particular reason or rhyme
Oh and the Doctor has now decided his name is Joe
But still he’s doing better than Chakotay who’s six feet below
Meanwhile in the “present” Seven is Chakotay’s romantic squeeze
And Tuvok has a secret chronic Vulcan disease
I guess Seven abandoned her search for perfection
Well its no more stupid than everything else on reflection
Seven detects hundreds of wormholes in a nebula they’ve come upon
While in the future Janeway’s getting some mysterious technology from a Klingon
Barclay breaks down and tells this to Doctor Joe
To bring her back, Captain Harry does go
The fact he’s a Captain in 2402
Just shows StarFleet ain’t got a clue
Present and the nebula is filled with a Borg fleet
So Captain Janeway does order a retreat
In future, Admiral Janeway to Harry explains
That her past decision needs to be changed
I know it’s a woman’s prerogative to think again
But even I didn’t think she’d go to that much pain
Harry of course let’s her go to the present cos he’s a quitter
In the past there are two Janeways, could this get any shitter?
The Borg Queen is thrilled to hear about this development
I on the other hand could not care in this event
They then argue because they like to make a scene
While Seven is communicated by the Borg Queen
She says she’ll spare the ship if away from the nebula they jet
But future Janeway has brought technology so the Borg are no threat.
Back in the nebula the Borg are useless
As the Borg Queen’s cubes are in some distress
Then they find the transwarp hub which the Borg use to get about
Admiral Janeway wants to bring Voyager back with this route
The crew decide to destroy the hub and take the long way instead
Bet the Admiral had wished she’d stopped in bed
She tells Captain Janeway that Seven’s dead if this she allows
Man, she’s turned into such an old gossip now
A way is found to destroy the hub and get home with little fuss
By tricking the Borg Queen and giving the Borg a virus
With the Borg destroyed, to the Alpha Quadrant Voyager does return
As they arrived back so did Paris and Torres’ daughter we do learn
So yeah, they pretty much remade TNG’s All Good Things.
And so ends my various Voyager summings.
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  1. An outstanding conclusion to this labour of... what, torture? Masichism? Virtual flagellation? To repeat something i've said before, much as you had to through these reviews, this blog has been a vast improvement on the episodes themselves. Thanks for doing the unenviable job of rewatchkng them so we didn't have to. To think that, before this started, i'd been seriously considering buying the dvds as they're so cheap now to give the show another chance. Whew. I Thank You!

  2. I'll have to remember they weren't all bad. Distant Origins and Living Witness stand out as very good episodes. It's a shame they wasted so many opportunities to stand out on their own in favour of rehashing old star trek tropes...badly. If they'd had the nerve to let the ship deteriorate over the years as it did in year of hell or something, at least that would have been different. Ah well. Lost opportunities.

  3. That was lots of fun. I mean reading through all these, not the actual show.

    I inexpicably loved Voyager when I was a teenager (not even for Seven of Nine reasons), but as soon as DS9 finished and this became the sole Trek, I realised how lazy it was and stopped watching in season six. Looks like I didn't miss much.

    Thanks for doing the painful nostalgia for all of us. May fortune favour the foolish!

    1. Thanks so much, I'm really glad you liked it.