Episode 155: Flesh And Blood

This was originally aired as a double episode telemovie so I’m reviewing it as such. Though I’ve no idea why, there’s barely enough story for one episode.

The Hirogen are hunting their prey, but the episode is at pains not to show enemy, so it’s got to be Voyager/StarFleet. Oh it is, but it’s the holotechnology that Janeway gave them, only the holograms are killing the Hirogen now. Voyager and shortly afterwards a Hirogen ship arrive at a Hirogen station and finds all but one of them dead. The lone Hirogen left alive, Donik, stays on Voyager as he’s never been much of a hunter and was responsible for the programming of the holograms. Just when you thought the episode couldn’t get any stupider, it does. The holograms on the station are of course sentient now and have escaped on a ship of their own. So the Hirogen have used Voyager’s holo tech to do what they want with after Janeway gave them it and still she whinges. She tells the Hirogen she knows about this but rather than saying “So? Who gives a fuck?” they seem to care. The Doctor is kidnapped by the holoship* and eventually comes round to their way of thinking thanks to their leader, Bajoran hologram, Iden. When the Doctor gets back to Voyager he’s unable to persuade the Voyager crew to help so defects to the holoship and oh god, there’s still another episode of this. The holoship disables Voyager and then beams Torres over to help them repair themselves. Back on Voyager, Janeway and Donik have a pity party as to whose fault this all is. Hey, you don’t need to fight! It’s all of your faults. The Hirogen ships go after the holoship and Voyager tags along to try and sort them all out. The holoship hides in a nebula, because there’s always one nearby in a universe of 96% void (Thanks to @simiboyz for that statistic). Eventually the holoship escapes to liberate more holograms from a random ship nearby. However these seem to be the hologram equivalent of a vending machine. They then defeat the Hirogen and beam them down to a planet (also conveniently nearby) where they hunt them. Oh the ironic irony. The Doctor kills Iden on the planet to save a Hirogen leaving the only thing left for Janeway to discuss his defection. Which is all she does, discuss it. So yet again, one of Janeway’s crew disobeys her orders and she does nothing.

*Copyright Red Dwarf. (Do yourself a favour and watch the Waxworld episode of Red Dwarf instead. It makes more sense too.)

Episode 154: Nightingale

Harry becomes the captain of an alien shuttle. No prizes for guessing what I thought of this one. Do I even have to do this one? Oh alright then.

While Voyager’s landed on a planet having repairs done to it, Harry and Neelix are on the Delta Flyer II looking for dilithium. Let’s hope it crashes. Oh and Seven’s on it too because she’s everywhere. A random ship is being fired upon by another and Harry eventually decides to help despite it not being part of regulations. On board the not-supsicious-at-all ship they are told they’re delivering a vaccine, but as he’s Book from Firefly, Harry decides he can be trusted. When they all get back to Voyager, Book and Harry implore Janeway for help to get to their planet. Janeway agrees that she would’ve done the same and Harry tells her he “learns from the best”. Fuck. Right. Off. He’s then given command of the crappy alien ship which he names Nightingale. After he gives the orders on the ship he then carries them out himself, who does he think he is? Kirk? And then when he doesn’t he does his Riker impression by looking as smug as possible. Seven, who’s obviously finding this as irritating as I am, tells him in a subtle way to stop being a dick. Then it turns out that Book isn’t a Doctor at all! The ship is in fact smuggling a cloaking device, in plain sight, so to speak. Harry sulks about this until Seven talks to him again and he then decides to help the people out anyway and everyone lives happily ever after. Except me.

Also this week in a story that somehow manages to be just as bad, Icheb thinks that Torres fancies him. With hilarious consequences.

Episode 153: Body And Soul

The writer’s were obviously thinking at one point “How can we get more Seven?”. Then they hit upon, she can play other characters. Though having said that, Seven's acting as the Doctor is probably the episode’s best part.

At the start of the episode I got excited because I thought it was DS9 but no, they were just using the same comet as their credits. Seven, Harry and the Doctor are studying said comet in the Delta Flyer II when they’re attacked by a ship who hate holograms, probably from watching Red Dwarf The Doctor ends up possessing Seven via her implants which no-one notices because they’ve obviously had a stroke. The aliens take Harry and Doctor/Seven prisoner, and he already finds the smell of Harry repellent. Meanwhile on Voyager, Tuvok is undergoing Pon Farr which he doesn’t seem to mind telling Paris all about, the pervert. Captain Ranek on the alien ship wants to know more about the Delta Flyer 2.1 so asks the Doctor/Seven. He tells him about the replicator and enjoys eating food for the first time and then they all get drunk together. First thing I can agree with. On returning to the cell, they separate and Seven is annoyed with the Doctor abusing her body but they compromise to free themselves from the aliens. Back on Voyager, Paris suggests to Tuvok he use the holodeck to help himself out. No-one’s ever suggested that before, oh wait, they have in the Vorik Pon Farr episode. Voyager is then escorted through the same region by more of the aliens who demand the holodeck is turned off. Finally, someone with sense. On the other alien ship, the Doctor/Seven is kissed by Ranek, and they walk off in disgust. What Harry wouldn’t give to be in that position. Either of them. Doctor/Seven then meets with Ranek again but sedates him so that contact Voyager via the Delta Flyer XP. Yet again, no-one realises it’s the Doctor. Eventually they’re caught again but Voyager has come to the rescue. Ranek’s been injured though, so the Doctor stays to operate, thusly the aliens all change their opinions on holograms just in time for the end.

Episode 152: Inside Man

Voyager are due to get their monthly transmission from StarFleet featuring letters from home, celebrity news and episode reviews. Okay maybe, not the last two. This time though a hologram of Reg Barclay arrives and confidently tells them they’ll be home in days. Really? Does anyone get excited by that anymore, it’s at least the tenth time of being told that... oh only Harry does. The idea is dangerous but apparently extra shielding and inoculations will be enough to protect everyone, so the Doctor reluctantly gives HoloReg his mobile emitter. Meanwhile at StarFleet headquarters apparently their hologram has gone missing. What really? You mean the one with Janeway is being controlled by someone? Is it the Borg? The Cardassians? The Romulans? Nope, it’s the Ferengi who want Seven’s nanoprobes to sell. Apparently Voyager and all it’s Delta Quadrant secrets aren’t worth bothering with, just Seven. There’s a metaphor for the series if ever there was one. Barclay can’t get his boss, Harkins, to listen to his concerns so goes crying to Troi when she’s on vacation. Following your therapist on vacation isn’t a good idea she suggests but I’m sure it’s a romcom movie. He tells her Harkins is usually willing to hear him out... wait, he is? That must be in the episodes we haven’t seen then. Back on Voyager, the Doctor’s harrassing of HoloReg to play golf with him leads him to lose his temper and makes the Doctor suspicious of him. Why the Ferengi would programme the hologram with a hatred of golf is anyone’s guess but Torres and Janeway can’t find anything wrong. They can find every spatial anomaly in a three light year radius but can’t find anything wrong with that hologram?! Troi and Barclay eventually discover that it’s a girl that Barclay’s been dating that helped steal the hologram and so manage to foil the Ferengi’s plans.

That’s the Ferengi’s plans.

Episode 151: Critical Care

The Doctor comes online on a hospital ship after a con artist, Gar, stole him from Voyager despite their *cough* strict security. The administrator, Chellick, decides to use him despite the overcrowding and primitive equipment on the Red level. Meanwhile on Voyager Paris and Harry visit the Doctor after they’ve taken a leaf out of DS9’s Julian and Miles’ book and play juvenile holodeck games. The Doctor (Keiko) is usually annoyed but doesn’t care this time because it’s just an earlier copy they’ve been left with. Janeway sets off to find the perpetrator but doesn’t care about who’s responsible on the ship. At the hospital ship, the Doctor finds a patient, Tebbis, with a serious condition who hasn’t been treated because he hasn’t got a high Treatment Coefficient. Chellick then informs the Doctor he needs to go to help people with more medical need in the Blue Level. Can you possibly tell where this is going?! Can you?! Yes, the people on Blue have more money. Crazy isn’t it? Where do they get these stories from? Chellick will be becoming a patient in his own hospital next. But I’m skipping ahead. Doctor Drysek is content to just follow orders but the Doctor uses some of the medicine for Tebbis on the Red level who gets better. Voyager meanwhile goes from planet to planet attempting to find Gar in a quite amusing segment. Anyway, The Doctor is informed that Tebbis went to the White Level and finds out this is where the dead people are. Is this Torchwood now? The Doctor argues with Chellick about this and is then kept on the Blue Level. Voyager find Gar and interrogate him with spicy food to find out where the Doctor is. Really. The Doctor has had enough of Chellick and infects him, putting him in his own hospital. Doctor Drysek won’t treat him as the computer thinks that he’s Tebbis so Chellick agrees to move some patients from the Red Level to Blue. Yeah, like he won’t reverse that after the Doctor leaves.

I can’t believe the creators of Voyager don’t like the Original Series of Star Trek as this episode was as heavy handed with the morality as a lot of them. Gene Roddenberry would be proud.

Episode 150: Repression

Ever wonder what the guy who played Holtz in Angel did before that? Well wonder no longer.

Paris and Torres go to the holodeck to watch a 3D movie. Yeah, right, like it’ll still be around then. They find a friend of Paris’ in the front row unconcious. Yes, he has friends other than Harry, who knew? When Tuvok investigates (“‘Tuvok Investigates’ coming up next on UPN”) he finds a woman in the guy’s quarters who he immediately decides is a suspect. Thereafter two more people fall comatose and eventually Tuvok finds a pattern, they’re all ex-Maquis. Oh good, we’re back to that again. The remaining Maquis are all armed and made to use the buddy system. A Bolian draws the short straw and gets Torres as his buddy who immediately goes missing. When Chakotay finds her, he’s attacked by Tuvok & His Amazing Mind Meld (Voyager Stunning Twist #124). Of course Tuvok carries on after that as normal and no-one else knows about it with the original patients waking up. Eventually it transpires that there is a Bajoran only Tuvok can see telling him to burn things... I mean controlling him. The Bajoran had kidnapped Tuvok years before and affected his mind which was triggered by a letter from home. Soon after a Maquis rebellion is initiated because of the post hypnotic suggestion, couldn’t it have been a mass suicide? Janeway’s taken to the brig and we’re in a season 1 episode now. Don’t worry though, the rebellion is crushed as quickly as it starts and before you can say “Avatar” the whole crew is at the cinema. Hooray, for the 150th episode spectacular!

Episode 149: Drive

It’s official. Janeway and Voyager have given up all pretense of getting back to the Alpha Quadrant. This time it’s a space race and not the exciting 1960s to the moon kind either.

Paris and Kim are testing the Delta Flyer II after Janeway had already used it in the previous episode. Another ship flies along side them and challenges them to a race. I’m surprised there were no traffic lights nearby. They both go to Voyager after Harry doesn’t want to race anymore whereupon Paris learns of an interstellar spaceship race. This is just the break that the crew need, Janeway decides. Never mind that Paris is the only one who cares about the stupid thing. Meanwhile Torres is upset because Paris and her were meant to have a romantic weekend on the holodeck at the same time. I’m sure this was the plot of, oh you know. Every. Sitcom. Ever. Torres considers breaking up with him even though she still loves him, Neelix thinks love should be enough but how’d that do for him and Kes? Back at the race and of course, there’s a tenuous peace between the two worlds hosting it. Torres and Paris race in the Delta Flyer II while Harry and alien girl in her ship. Harry has designs on the alien girl so needless to say there’ll be something wrong with her. Before all that, there’s a cliche we’re missing. Of course, sabotage! And alien girl was behind it because she’s a space racist. To round off the episode Torres and Paris have a relationship chat on the Flyer which culminates in him withdrawing from the race and proposing to her. They get married. Somehow.